My day…and why I’m pissed

Well, let' see. I got to bed before 5 AM, but I was reading some stuff from http://www.crimelibrary.com on my PDA while waiting for my Rozerem to kick in, so by the time I actually tried sleeping it was about 6. My phone alarm stated going off at 10 AM to tell me to get up and get ready to go to the TCF lunch which was at noon in Merritt Island, about half an hour away. I snoozed it until 11:15. (sigh) So I got up and took a quick shower and got ready to go.

When I got downstairs, Nick asked me where I was going for lunch, he had forgotten what I'd said. So I told him and asked if he wanted me to pick him up something on the way home, and he said OK. But then he said "I have a question…" and I thought…here we go. He said, "How come you can get up in time to go to lunch with your friends but the rest of the time you sleep till 5 PM?" I groaned. I reminded him we'd had that conversation before and that one time he even acquiesced that the lunches are planned ahead so I have time to mentally prepare myself to get up and go. Not like his usual "if you got up earlier maybe we could go do something". Yeah, maybe, or more likely we'd just stay here all day and do basically the same as everyone else. Then he claimed he never said anything about understanding that it was easier for me to get up for planned things than to just get up for the sake of getting up. I don't know why this surprises me, that he doesn't remember or claims not to, but it really pissed me off. I said, yes, we did have this conversation and yes, you did say that. I said I could explain it all to him again at another time, since I was already REALLY late, but it seems like he never believes me anyway. He had walked back into the computer room and I said "Maybe I should have my doctors call you." He said "what?" and I repeated it. Then I just said goodbye, and possibly "I love you" (don't remember) and left.

Called Anita on the way to tell her how late I was going to be. I took I-95, wanting to get off at Fiske Blvd., and turns out there was an accident just north of the exit, on our side of the road. Luckily traffic wasn't too backed up but just something else to make me later. Plus there were a zillion fire trucks, ambulances and police cars trying to get to the scene and some coming the wrong way down various roads and no sooner did we get back on the road after letting one pass than another one came along. Finally got to Fiske and from there it wasn't a long trip onto 520 and to the restaurant…the lights were with me.

Lunch itself was OK. I just ordered an appetizer because being in the mood I was in I wasn't very hungry anyway, plus everyone else was half done with their meals by then. We did have some good chats and we sat outside on a covered patio on the river which was nice – this time of year it's not too unbearably hot out there and we had a bit of a breeze. I took a couple of pics of the scenery before I left.

I was near the Merritt Island Mall so I decided to drop in and take a look in the gift stores for ideas for our 10^th next week…I had had that idea while in the shower this morning…too bad by the time I got to the mall I wasn't feeling too much like buying anniversary gifts! Anyway, I went in through JCPenney and decided to do some shopping therapy since they were having a big sale like they always are, LOL. I bought a new purse (finally!), three new bras (really must get rid of the ones I've had probably as long as we've been married…), a silver butterfly ring because it was cute and cheap, and two pairs of Croc-like shoes…one brown that looks like of like the ones I have now and one that looks like those round-toe flats that are so popular now. Those were like buy one get one for 88 cents…can't beat that! I did look around in the other mall stores but only bought a couple of other things…some Christmas ornaments for my nieces (they didn't have my nephew's name, I will have to look in another store) and a new Yankee Candle car air freshener at Hallmark.

On the way home I had to gas up the car and then I stopped to get jerk-o some Taco Bell. Lo and behold, I get home…and he's not there! No note or anything to say where he went or when he'd be back. I tried to just let it go since I hate when he grills me about where I go, but for him it's kind of unusual for him to just leave the house w/o telling me anything, unless it's early morning and I'm still sleeping. Anyway, I had told him that sometime today I wanted to take one of our blankets to the laundromat because it's too big to fit in our washer and it was really overdue for washing…so after checking e-mail I did go to the laundromat and was there for a while. Came home and he was home. I asked if he got his food and he said yeah…didn't thank me, of course. He asked where I'd been and I told him all the stops I'd made. He said he'd forgotten about the laundromat. I asked where he had been and he said "out". Geez. He better have been buying my anniversary gift…

That's about all we've said to each other since I got home, except that I told him that we had a message on our machine from our friend Eric who married an Irish woman a few years ago and moved over there with her a year or so after that. He said they have a baby now. (Yay, just what I needed to hear today.) I am not sure now if it is a boy or girl…I forget the middle name and he may have either said "Erin" or "Aaron". He didn't leave a number or e-mail addy or anything and of course the caller ID just says "Out of Area". Oh well…

Now I'm trying to decide what to do with the rest of my evening. I feel kind of trapped. I don't really want to be on the computer but he's watching a DVD in the family room (one I wouldn't be interested in) and I feel like if I go upstairs to watch TV he'll say I'm avoiding him again. Sigh.

I think I might have to write him a letter telling him that he needs to understand that I have real medical and emotional issues that I am trying very hard to address and treat and his lack of support is NOT HELPING. I don't sleep all day because I am trying to escape life or him. Sleep is no escape for me…I dream all these bizarre dreams that wake me up and I am just plain tired. I could go to bed early and get up early but that isn't going to make me a happier person and I really doubt anything is going to change as far as us doing things together just because we're awake at the same time.

I'm tired of typing. Comment or something…